knox college

I visited Knox over the weekend and really, really liked it. I feel Knox could help me become the best version of myself (to quote the president's introduction to the open house). I like everything about the school. Its quirky traditions, its liberal stance, its strong academics, beautiful campus. Its just the right fit. Getting in is a concern for me. I just don't think I deserve it. The interview went okay..... I worry that I sounded silly. I don't know. I just really want to go there. Its most definetly my #1 choice. Beloit#3, Earlham #2. If I get into all three, I have no idea what I'll do.... I'm so overwelmed, excited, and scared shitless. I got my ACTs up to a 24 (math=20 science=20 reading=31 english=26). The applications are sent. Just have to send the application fees.

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okay. I need to get a new livejournal sn. someone discovered this site by my own sheer stupidity. this person would gladly use my lj to manipulate and degrade me in any way he can. i need a lj code. if you can hook me up let me know.

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im fucking pissed.

I want to go visit a friend. However, my psycho + annoying extended family is coming at the same time. UGH. UGH. I can't fucking go. My grandma is uber bitch x 88940193841999.

I watched Pulp Fiction. It is now my all time favorite movie. If you haven't seen it, watch it now, dammit. Its the best shit.

take this quote...

Jules: What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: [pointing his gun] Say "what" again. SAY "WHAT" AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say "what" one more goddamn time!
Brett: He's b-b-black...
Jules: Go on.
Brett: He's bald...
Jules: Does he look like a bitch?
Brett: What?
[Jules shoots Brett in shoulder]
Jules: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
Brett: NO!
Jules: Then why you trying to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?
Brett: I didn't!
Jules: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.


Enjoy, le big mac, yo.

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An Intangible Reflection of Society in Music via Beck


To the casual observer Beck seems to be dribbling out lyrics with no meaning at the speed of Wile E. Coyote. However, Beck’s writing is far from insignificant. Beck explores the world’s changing society and instead of being boringly blatant, he chooses an original way to explain his observations. He intentionally makes his lyrics difficult to understand, so the listener must think to understand the words. Therefore, the listener must also think more deeply about the issue or issues Beck brings into focus. An excellent example of this technique is in one of Beck’s most popular songs, “New Pollution”.
“New Pollution” relates to Women’s power in society since the feminist movement and the battle feminists have with conservative society. “She’s got a cigarette on each arm” (Line 1 Beck), speaks of a woman’s independence today. However, many women suffer while reaching for independence, “She’s alone in the New Pollution” (Line 5 Beck). Like many musicians, Beck is politically liberal and supports the feminist movement, which explains his message.
Most of the lyrics speak of the degree of women’s independence. Beck describes women as fearless and interesting, but they must still suffer consequences. For example, “She can talk to the mangling strangers” (Line 8 Beck) speaks of women’s courage, but a woman must also cope with “Riding low on the drunken rivers” (Line 18 Beck). Therefore, Beck chides conservative society for challenging women’s independence and enthusiastically supports the feminist movement.
Beck may seem ridiculously complex, but he actually just intends for us to think in a complex way. “New Pollution” speaks of women’s issues that are more complicated than the average person would think. Beck hopes for the listener to go beyond simplistic views and ponder how we feel about issues related to social justice. Beck argues that if we continue to encourage malicious ignorance and unreasonable conservatism American culture will lose its energy and excitement. Beck makes his listeners’ realize a mind should never be wasted.

5 guys I would bang

5. Jude Law He has the most stunning eyes, his british accent, and a silent intellectualism. I'm sorry about his wife, but now he can start dating me.
4. Jake Gyllenhaal He is an amazing actor (The Good Girl, Donnie Darko), has a hip last name, a yummy body, and lovely eyes.
3. Owen Wilson Broken nose. Blond locks. Hilarious... nuff' said
2. Robbie Williams I lust after this man guiltily. I lust, nonetheless.
1. Johnny Depp Its almost passe to want him, but I still do. He can act, he can look good, and he can be my lover.

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I really need to get out of Decatur. I meet these people and I'm nice, but if they were in my mind and heard my cynical and somewhat judgemental observations, they would hate me. I keep my opinions to myself much more than I did in the past. This happens mainly at work. I used to always say what was on my mind and despite the consequences, it made me a little happy inside. I was proud of my thoughts and I had some faith in myself. However, ever since Brit Lit the space in my mind that had confidence is non existent. There are times when I think.. I'm so much fucking smarter. But there are times as well, when I just want to fucking scream. Work was awful Saturday. A combination of working almost 7 hours (being exhausted), having a manager bitch at me (i deserved it, mind you), and the completely tactless and self-absorbed comments of my co hostess (a person who i cannot discuss my thoughts on except within this space because I don't hate her, she just makes me mad sometimes), brought me to tears. I'm wishing my life away, but I wish I could control my emotions better. I am not a ENTP, but ENFP, I think.

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i was doing really great for a few days. i was almost completely blissed out. but lately i just feel like crying all the time. and i fucking hate myself. zoloft really should be my best friend. i cannot get anyone else to like me.